... Wow. This Podcast really hit home for me, and I mean in a big way. Just everything that was talked about was my entire life thus far and that's insane. Growing up I was always drawing, I mean always. I remember ever since I could hold a pencil I was drawing on something, anything. Paper, boxes, the backs of receipts and napkins in restaurants. Just anything I could get a hold of. Because I loved it. I loved drawing, and I loved how it made me feel. I grew up being that way and loved anything having to do with art and was so fascinated with anything in that department, going to museums in school was my favourite field trips ever. As I got older, though, nearing my teen years and really thinking about what I wanted to do I knew I wanted to be an artist. I wanted to draw, because that's what I loved to do. It's what I still love to do, even though it causes me pain because I have carpal tunnel, I don't care. I was also told by my peers since I was young I should be an artist, even some of my family told me that... until I decided to tell them that's what I wanted to do one day. All I got was backlash telling me I was going to be wasting my life away: I'd never be able to afford anything, I'd always be poor, I wouldn't be happy, ect. For a long time I believed that, so I went through my teen years very angry and frustrated because while everyone else around me had their lives planned out, I had no idea what to do. I went through so many professions in my head: a psychologist, a forensic scientist, homicide detective, policeman. Just a lot of crazy shit that didn't make much sense at all.. and I still wasn't happy. In fact I was even more aggravated because I
knew I didn't want to do any of those things. Shit, I have my own problems why would I want to listen to someone else's all day? No thanks.
School was the same way for me. I never payed attention, ever. I hated High School with a passion, so much so that I faked being sick many a time just so I could stay home. When I
did go to school, I never payed attention, I either read or drew the whole time. Don't get me wrong, I'm not stupid, I'm actually pretty damn smart. But I didn't care about school, there were a million and two other things I wanted to be doing at the time and I was in trouble quite a bit for not paying attention to what the teachers were spewing out of their faces. Sitting in a classroom being talked at for six hours a day was not my ideal day, I can tell you that. The only time in High School I enjoyed was art class (until my teacher became a bitch that is). That was the only period I looked forward to all day long, and the only time I was actually happy. Other than that nothing worked for in school at all, no matter what anyone tried to do, because I just didn't care. Which is why I ended up dropping out in my Sophomore year, and went online to get my Diploma (not GED, my actual diploma) nearly two years before the rest of my class did. And I spent... four years. Four. Years. Doing almost nothing but drawing and I know that may sound like a waste, but it got me to where I am today and I wouldn't change that for anything in the world. The idea of college almost
needing to be a reality too kind of got me. I am a big supporter of college, but I'm also a big supporter of finding your own way. Everyone has their own ideals, their own ways and strategies to get to what and where they want, and whichever way works for you may not work for another person, and that's okay! We're all different, which is what makes us all so interesting.
In the Podcast it states how schools suffocate creativity and I can vouche for that entirely. In school you're almost never allowed to have opinions different from anyone else's. When you're a child you're told having opinions is the greatest thing in the world, but what they don't tell you is that they're only great if they correspond with others' opinions. If you have a different idea from someone else I hope you can run fast because most people don't like to be proven wrong or hear any other version of what they think. I think it's because they're scared. They don't want to know there are other ways out there, they don't want to hear them, because it's the whole "ignorance is bliss" kind of thing. The part of the Podcast when he talks about how when children are young they sing, draw, dance, anything else freely without a care in the world, but as they grow older they become aware of other people's judgments, standards and others out there in the same kind of field as they are, so they grow scared and self conscious. This line really hit me hard, because it's the same thing I go through, nearly every day. I worry every day that I'll never be as good as so many other artists out there that I admire. I see their works every day and it does get me down sometimes because it always looks so amazing and perfect and I look at mine and its just... shit. I struggle with that kind of thing almost every day, even though I'm told by so many others that I'm quite good at what I do, I never feel like it's enough and it's hard to change that. I'm trying, I really am, and I've gotten so much better, but it's so very difficult to change your entire perspective of everything overnight.
That kind of leaks into one of his other ideas; that kids take chances, with everything, because they aren't scared. Like the little girl who drew the picture of God and her teacher questioned her because "no one knows what he looks like." And all the girl had to say was "they will soon." I mean come on, that's amazing to me that someone, a
child can have those kind of balls to just sit there and say it like it is. This is what I'm doing. This is what they/it/ect looks like to me. So deal with it. I want that kind of attitude again and I have mad respect for that kid.
This whole idea of the Podcast sounds crazy. It really does. But maybe it's just so crazy it may work? There's only one way to find out, and I think I am with the whole idea of customizing and personalizing education, because it's one of the most genius things I've ever heard of in my life, and I'm pretty sure that that's what Nate's trying to do, and he's doing awesome at it. To be able to be in a classroom and just let go to do whatever you want? That's a dream come true for me and I'm excited to go to class every day because of that, which I have never been able to say before about school. Ever. I have mad respect for him and his ideals and acceptance toward everything and anything. Even though we've only been in class two weeks, he's done so much for me, unintentionally showing me what I want to do for the rest of my life without fear, relighting the passion I use to have for art, and just everything I've been looking for 21 years for, and I would really, really just like to say thank you for that, Nate.
Okay enough feelings! I hope I didn't just go on a total rant and completely miss the point.. fuck.
